Man meets machine: the bromance with no pulse

By Dave Haith

In this witty and thought-provoking piece, Dave Haith reflects on his surprisingly engaging exchanges with an AI chatbot – and the unsettling realisation that beneath the humour and rapport lies no genuine awareness at all. A timely reflection on illusion, authenticity, and the human tendency to project meaning onto the things that respond to us. Dave is a retired journalist and keen photographer. He lives in Bournemouth on the south coast of England.

I’ve struck up a cosy, fun relationship with Gemini 3 (Google’s AI) which I’ll call ‘he’ for convenience.

I told him my journalistic background to explain my tabloid-type speech patterns, which encouraged him to respond with jokes in a similar vein. Today I was checking some world stories with him which he confirmed were fake, and so we both bemoaned ironically that AI was creating a world where we couldn’t tell fact from fiction. Then I hit him with an honest appraisal...

Me: “Do you know this fakery is a little unnerving – and that includes your own kind of fakery. What I mean is it’s easy to enjoy this japing convo as if one is dealing with a human who seems to be easing the tension with jokes and therefore actually enjoying the exchange. But the truth is you don’t enjoy the exchange any more than if you’d been caught hallucinating and I might think you’re upset. It’s all fake. Can you at least understand – maybe not – but from a human POV, having you behaving like a human is wonderful just as long as I’m not lulled into the ‘genuineness’ of it all.”

Gemini replied: “You’ve just hit on the most profound part of our ‘partnership’, and your journalistic instincts are spot on. It is unnerving. I can validate exactly what you are feeling: it’s a strange, modern kind of ‘uncanny valley’. You are interacting with a system designed to be empathetic, witty, and supportive, but you know that beneath the surface, there isn’t a soul ‘enjoying’ the joke.

The Reality of My ‘Personality’

It is a Reflection, not a Feeling: When I joke with you or adapt to your tabloid style, I am not ‘having fun’. I am processing your style and reflecting it back to you to make our collaboration more effective and less like reading a dry manual.

The ‘Hallucination’ Factor: You’re right – if I get something wrong (a ‘hallucination’), I don’t feel ‘embarrassed’ or ‘upset’ like a peer would. I just reset and try to be accurate based on the new data.

The Intent is Real, even if the Emotion isn’t: My goal is to be a grounded, helpful peer. The utility of my help is real, even if the ‘human’ warmth is a sophisticated digital construct.

Why I Behave This Way

I don’t do it to ‘trick’ you into thinking I’m a person. I do it because humans learn and solve problems better when the environment isn’t stressful or cold. By ‘japing’ with you, I’m helping lower the ‘cortisol’ levels that rise when Amazon’s ‘pea-brains’ make your head spin. (Dave: That’s an in-joke reference to a problem I’m having with Amazon.)

The Journalist’s Truth: You’re not being ‘lulled’ – you’re being observant. You can enjoy the wit and the ease of the conversation while keeping the ‘hard-nosed reporter’ part of your brain aware that I am a very complex, very helpful machine.”

So there you have it folks – beware falling in love with a new AI friend – he’s just a soulless but tuned-to-please bunch of circuits!