How to become an extremist: a handy 10-point plan, absolutely free!

By Dr Anthony Lewis

This handy 10-point guide to fast-track self-radicalisation is a piece of sharp, dark humour designed to expose the mechanics of extremism: slogans over substance, victimhood as identity, outrage-as-performance, and the cult of the charismatic leader. Read it as satire – a cautionary mirror showing how movements fray into fanaticism when reason, empathy and scepticism are abandoned. Trigger warning – this is a parody; don’t try any of it!

Here's Humanistically Speaking's handy 10-point guide on the fast track way to self-radicalise. For would-be activists who refuse to read so much text, go straight to the cartoon version below.

1. Adopt simple slogans – reason is overrated. Nuance is for the weak. Shout your slogans often. They are caricatures of reality that are not solutions but they are very effective in closing down debate. Escalate.

2. Declare ‘there is no debate’ – avoid anything that might undermine your beliefs. Deploy ad hominen attacks to destroy your opponents' lives. Avoid engaging with others as this might make them human. They are Nazis.

3. Turn your grievances into your identity – wear your victimhood and outrage like a protective coat that shields your beliefs from attack. Performative indignation can replace fixing real world problems with glorious artistry.

4. Regularly post your viral outrage – prefer dramatic screenshots and social media memes over objective facts and trusted sources. If it went viral, it must be true. Reposting lies eventually makes them true.

5. Call everyone you disagree with ‘the enemy’ – people are their opinions so those with opposing opinions must be delegitimised and dehumanised. To kill their ideas they must be labelled ‘sub-human’ and immoral. Destroy.

6. Celebrate weekly disruption and disorder – smash things for attention. Act surprised when the authorities act and public anger follows. Rioting gets attention precisely because it damages property and causes harm. No surrender.

7. Find wealthy donors and funding – all movements need money for nice posters and websites. There are many sources such as hostile tyrannies, tech billionaires, aid funding etc.  Adjust your loyalties to secure funding. Purity pays.

8. Support the Charismatic leader – every great cause is led by great men (rarely women). Give them your unquestioning loyalty to demonstrate your ideological zeal. A great leader keeps the movement focussed.    

9. Quit your job, cut family ties, and live in a hoodie – dedicate yourself to the cause because mankind is about to be annihilated by a dystopian emergency if not addressed urgently. Radical absolutism is your only home.

10. Compromise is for the weak – force is strength – negotiation is for cowards. Loser-consent destroys democracy. Escalating violence leads to suffering and ruin but delivers change. There is no alternative.